It’s exactly one month since I touched down in the unbelievable vastness and ruthless efficiency that is the Beijing Airport, so it seems only right that I finally get my ass into gear and tell you all about the trek. So, without further adieu, I present quite literally the top 10 moments of my charity China trek:

Daily Chi Kung

Straight in at number 10 it’s the Daily Chi Kung. Arm swinging, hip circling action led by our leader from down under, the wizard of Oz - and inappropriate hip movements - the legend himself, Rob. It’s a hoot.

At 9 it’s a classic track from our very own Billy Hero, Scotsman, Braveheart – with a genuine accent, Mel Gibson eat your heart out – and general all round lovely good great guy. The CLIC Sargent volunteer with what is quite literally a heart of gold, except not literally, because a heart of gold would literally not be able to sustain life. And this 69 year old was definitely full of life and Billy’s rallying cry of “Heigh Hooooo!” kept us all quite literally walking along that wall like people who walk on walls do.

After a long hard day trekking there’s nothing better than putting your feet up with a nice cup of tea and a biscuit, after a lovely hot shower. Shame most days that’s not what we got, so in at 8 is Wednesday night when we were all pleased as punch and giggly as school girls at The Unbelievable Excitement of An Awesome Hotel.

Even better than putting your feet up with a nice cup of tea and a biscuit after a hot shower is putting your feet up with a nice cup of tea and a biscuit after a hot shower in a massive room with a double bed that you don’t have to share with anyone. So 7 is The Even More Unbelievable Excitement of An Awesome Hotel with a Room All to Myself. When I could put my feet up with a nice cup of tea and a biscuit after a hot shower in a massive room with a double bed that I didn’t have to share with anyone when we arrived in Beijing at the end of the week. Rock on.

Walking on Ice in Black Dragon Pools National Park

Walking on thin ice is never a good thing to do, which is why we walked on thick ice instead. The week’s number 6 was day 1 when we had to Walk on Ice in the Black Dragon Pools National Park, at the bottom of a deep valley where the summer sun hadn’t yet melted all the ice on the ground. Brrr.

You know what I love more than anything after a week of walking along the Great Wall of China – aside from a ton of hot chocolate fudge cake with vanilla ice cream and a lovely crisp glass of cold white wine? You guessed it, it’s having a Foot Massage in Beijing with Billy Getting the Masseurs to Sing Chinese Karaoke for Us, straight in at number 5.

At number 4 it was all drunkeness, duck and lovely medals on our Final Night in China.

That Staircase in Jinshanling The One that Terrified Me cos It Was Crumbling and Looked Like It Was So Vertical It Was Practically Horizontal Again

Constantly with us like a big angry angry mole in a hard to reach place, the kind on your skin, not the small animal, but a much more beautiful and lovely version of that ever-present mole was the Stunning Blossom Trees that Showered Us with Petals still with us at number 3.

Climbing high to the top of the charts, although not quite to the top, cos it’s only at number 2. It’s Beating *that* Staircase in Jinshanling, The One that Terrified Me cos It Was Crumbling and Looked Like It Was So Vertical It Was Practically Horizontal Again.

And straight in at number 1, there’s the stellar group of quite literally fabulous people that I met on the Great Wall of China. A hoard of heroes, a group of gladiators, a football team (including subs) of friends. These lovely ladies and gents quite literally kept me going along the wall. Team Awesome I salute you.

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Team Awesome